Put on Your Anti-Spam Helmets, April Fools is Upon Us
With April Fool’s Day around the corner, anti-spam companies warn email users to be wary of messages bearing titles like “free jokes”, “great jokes”, “pranks” or “April fools”. The punch-line to opening these will inevitably be you, tossing your deep-fried computer into the trash can. Comedy gold. In the spirit of April foolishness, the following are some of the funniest spam warnings to have slipped beyond the barracuda firewall; internet hoaxes, and false virus infections that have spread from desktop to desktop, without leaving any mysteriously shaped rashes or liquefied hard drives.
Best Internet hoaxes
Google TV
UFO’s over Haiti
Metalosis Maligna
“Good news Mr. Johnson, you don’t have a virus.”
Best fake- virus-anti-spam…spam.
The “Bedtimes” Virus
Quick! Tell Everyone You Know And Even People You Don't Know. If you receive an email entitled "Bedtimes" delete it IMMEDIATELY. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the strips on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code and screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto dial to call only 900 numbers. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING. It will drink ALL your beer. FOR GOD'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING?? It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company! It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine. If the "Bedtimes" message is opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your Skim milk with whole milk. WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN. And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you'll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you ,sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you. Send to everyone.
The “Photobucket” Virus
There is a virus on the internet that is now affecting your Photobucket account. It starts as MySpace comment on your page. The comment says exactly this: lol have you seen these pics yet? im suprised her myspace didnt get deleted yet for posting pictures like that. Do not click on the link that follows. What happens is once you click the link it captures your cookies on your machine. Once it does that the virus waits for you to log into your Photobucket account and will delete all of your images and videos in your account and it will post nude photos on your entire friend’s list. If you see this, don not open the link, simply delete the comment and tell your friend that their account has been phished. Let all your friends know. Repost as “Photobucket Warning.”
The “Osama Bin Laden” Virus
Emails with pictures of Osama Bin-Laden hanged are being sent and the moment that you open these emails your computer will crash and you will not be able to fix it! If you get an email along the lines of "Osama Bin Laden Captured" or "Osama Hanged" don't open the attachment. These e-mails are being distributed through countries around the globe, but mainly in the US and Israel. Don't be inconsiderate; send this warning to whomever you know.
Best anti-spam letter ever written
Dear sir,
Permit me to inform you of going into a business transaction with you. I am the Son of late chief fedrick kamara from Liberia my late father was an international businessman and a cocoa marchant my father was killed by rebels on September 19 2006 and as his only child they are also seeking to kill me too.
Before the death of my Father he deposited 10.5 million USD dollars in a suspense account in a bank in Abidjan and told me to seek for a forigen partner that will provide account overseas where the funds will be transfered to for Investment.
Please I am asking you to assist me so that this funds can be transfered to your account for Investment.Every documents about the funds is legal.
God bless you.
JUDE KAMARA.
The Response
Dear Jude,
I am sorry to hear about the untimely death of your father. My supreme condolences to you and your family. It was fortunate that you found me and had the nerve to ask for my help. I own an international software company that deals with high level government security. We not only create software to protect governments from internet based threats, we also provide physical security using the latest technology and experienced personal.
I have spoken to my VP of operations and we quickly concluded that you are indeed in serious danger. We advise the following plan of action. Send me your bank name, address and account #. I will create a joint account with my company name and yours. At that point I will contact my bank who will interface with yours, facilitating the transaction. Do this as soon as possible being that I am leaving the country next week on pressing business with foreign nationals in Europe. Meanwhile I will deploy a team to extricate you from Liberia and bring you safely to Sierra Leone. You must provide me a meeting point so my team can collect you. Once I am done, it should take 24 hours, I would be happy to rendezvous with you, I crave our meeting. I have political influence and can get you out of the country and into the US without trouble and with total anonymity.
From there we can safely discuss our mutual investments with the 10.5 million US dollars.
With April Fool’s Day around the corner, 
